i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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