Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
