Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
