too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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