remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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