i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
