My friends, they love my intelligence
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
