We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
