I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
