Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
