i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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