He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
