Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
