you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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