apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
