I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
