Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
