We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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