I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
