I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
