Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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