My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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