THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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