The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
