Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
