I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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