I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
