i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
