I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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