just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
