Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
