Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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