I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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