had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
