Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
