she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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