why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
