Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
