accomplished twins. life is a go
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
