so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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