So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize