Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
false alarm, still single
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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