Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
