I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
