Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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