What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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