I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
