Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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