you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
