Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
