Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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