do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
