When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
