moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We need to rekindle our bromance
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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