Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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