finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
