Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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