ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
