Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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