this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize