WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
