Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
