Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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