Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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