When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
