Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
