why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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